You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
