Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
