so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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