I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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