I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hippo gnu deer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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