Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
