porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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