just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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