Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize