How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
