dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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