you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
