new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize