My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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