I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
