that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
