You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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