you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
