I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
