it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
