never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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