those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
