Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
