sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize