bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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