Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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