just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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