youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
