he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
