Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
