you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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