i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
