I'm laying in your front yard are you home
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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