I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
