see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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