If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
