I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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