my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
