my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize