8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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