im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
