pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
