Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
