11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
