I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
