he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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