She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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