I wish I could punch you in the face.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
