How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
