I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
