Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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