I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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