he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
