soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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