It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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