Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize