ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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