Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
