It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
