I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
