The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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