I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
