He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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