We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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