we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
