I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
