Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
