that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
please come you make the beer taste better
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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