I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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